Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
