did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
