Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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