you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
