I want to make a zoo with you.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
