last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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