his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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