phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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