Who wears a wallet chain?!
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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