The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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