I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
