new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
