Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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