everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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