she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
