and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
