I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
