The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
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it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
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His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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