You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
