i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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