apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
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My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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