I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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