Pappa wants mamma naked
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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