I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
