Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
