Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
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She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
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SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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