i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
