I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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