Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize