Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
