Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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