I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
