what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
