i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
