Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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