i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Randomize
