she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
