this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
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