come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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