I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Randomize
