this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
