Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
