he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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