No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
