Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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