happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
