I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Less talking, more tequila
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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