We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Randomize
