no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
