I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
