u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
