He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
she told me i tasted like america
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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