I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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