Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
