dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
