keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
