Got a toothbrush?
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
