eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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