I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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