ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
jump out the window naked night went bad
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
