Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
