ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
