it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
