if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
