I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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