Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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