im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
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You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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