could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
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He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
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EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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