Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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