my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he thought i was a dude.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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