Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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