Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
