You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
