Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
