I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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