yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I am spending my child support on dildos
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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