that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
