Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
