Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
