You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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