u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
