He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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