hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
