I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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