mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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