Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I wear drunk well.
I'm both gender and math confused
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
