i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
